your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
