Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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