she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
