Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
