youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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