Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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