just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
