He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
