She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize