her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
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How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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