so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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