so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
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We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
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Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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