the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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