Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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