Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize