ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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