I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
