I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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