Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
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