at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
The power of my boobs compel you
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