she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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