Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
