About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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