i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
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This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
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After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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