are you so shy because you have an std?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
