Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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