Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
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He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
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Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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