saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
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Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
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I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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