i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
