My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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