He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
