my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
