you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
