my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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