im gay
i know
yea but for you.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
