Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Randomize
