On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
