JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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