im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
