How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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