So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
