rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
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She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
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good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
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