I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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