when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
