Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I didn't notice because vodka
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
