btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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