for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Operation Purity has been aborted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize