Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
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I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
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There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
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