On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
