I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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