His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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