I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
