I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
