I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
