U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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