I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
BRING THE BAGELS
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
