david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
