Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
