PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
