Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
