A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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