I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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