it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
