Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
