Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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