I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
