yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
