And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
