worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
