I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
