you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
