Tell her she can't have a vagina
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
