just survived the first fart of the relationship.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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