Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
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Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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