No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
